I am in love.
There were times during my pregnancy when I would snuggle with Roman, or look at him and think, “How could I ever possibly love another child as much as I love him?” I’m sure this is something a lot of soon-to-be parents of more than one child wonders and now I know your heart just expands and you love just as fiercely, the both of them. I still can’t explain how it happens.
I had a little extra time to wonder points like this, since little Tanner decided he was quite cozy on the inside and wanted to stay put a little while longer. 40 weeks pregnant came and went. I went to yoga that day and asked if anyone had a magic labor-inducing strategy. Nobody did, but everyone said, “Walk, move, keep moving.” So that’s what I did, all the time. Walking, yoga, swimming, training clients, then I woke up on Tuesday feeling horrible. Fran worked from home just to give me a break with Roman because I was feeling so terrible.
By Wednesday night, I realized I was in labor. I tried to get as much sleep as possible, then by about 9am Thursday I knew it was time to get going to the hospital.
I was planning on trying to labor through and deliver without an epidural, since I was given Pitocin when I was in labor with Roman (and any mama who’s experienced Pitocin knows it means, “Get me the drugs NOW!!” kind of pain) but I felt like I was handling it fine before that kicked in.
By about 1pm though, the contractions were coming so close together that while I was trying to center myself and relax in the downtime, I was in so much pain that I wasn’t feeling present in the moment anyway, so I asked for an epidural. Please, please remind me if I ever get pregnant again (which is highly unlikely!) to get the epidural once I’m in active labor.
Because little Tanner here was 8 pounds 13 ounces and believe me, while the painkiller clearly helped minimize the contractions, it was a painful delivery nonetheless.
He was born with the umbilical cord wrapped around him, which luckily was very quickly taken care of…I knew something was going on because the doctor and nurse were suddenly all business, I didn’t hear a cry and Fran’s face was white as a ghost. It was probably a total of 10 seconds, but a loooong 10 seconds for us.
Then a huge wailing cry and Fran told me, “It’s a boy!” Tanner Henry was born – all 8 pounds, 13 ounces and 20 inches of him – and instantly I was in love.
He was latched on and nursing within a few minutes – such a difference from the learning curve of a couple of days that Roman and I went through. (I actually remember in the hospital with Roman, saying to Fran in tears, “He won’t breastfeed because I smell like trapped milk and failure.” Good times.) I’m not sure if his ease at nursing is because Tanner is a second baby, or if it’s because he had a couple of extra weeks to grow and mature before birth, but either way I’m thrilled.
I gaze at him and wonder what he will be like, what his personality will be like. His big brother is so funny and outgoing and talkative – all personality traits you can’t predict when they’re so tiny and new. All I know right now is that I am fiercely protective, overwhelmingly besotted and can’t stop snuggling him.
I forgot new babies smell like caramel and vanilla and awesome. I forgot they change seemingly hour by hour at this young age. I forgot that one day you have a newborn baby whose age you track in days and then you blink and you have a long, lanky three-year old boy stretched out in his bed. I am trying to soak in every second of this sweet, special, all-too-brief time.
Fran is home on paternity leave this week and it’s still been challenging with two children to take care of. Roman is wonderful with Tanner – he really loves him and loves cuddling him and talking to him and introducing him to people (“This is my Tanner!” rather than, “This is my brother!” I think it’s because we kept saying ‘brother OR sister,’ ‘he OR she’ while I was pregnant, but it’s so very sweet). We’re also trying to minimize any jealousy issues by paying extra attention to big brother. Fran’s back at work next week, so that’s when things will get real, I’m sure.
Things I had forgotten about having a new baby…
- Everything takes about 30 minutes longer than you think it will, unless you’re trying to actually leave the apartment, in which case it takes an hour longer than you imagine.
- You are tied to that little human and he wants to nurse ALL. The. Time.
- That delicious smell of the crook of their neck and the side of their little mouth.
- The pure delight of gazing at him and seeing him open his eyes to gaze right back at you.
- Oh, you thought you might prepare something for dinner? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!
- You’re changing diapers approximately every 7 minutes.
- Sleep is probably for suckers anyway.
Yesterday morning, Roman had clambered into bed with us around 6am and had fallen back to sleep. I was just getting back to sleep myself when I heard the familiar tiny cries start up from Tanner’s crib. I listened for a couple of moments to see if he was really awake, but then the cries became a little more insistent. I rolled onto my side to get up, when I felt a little shove on my shoulder.
“Mama!” said a grumpy, sleepy Roman, “Tanner needs boobie! Go feed him.”
I have some awesome guest posts lined up for the next few weeks (and a smattering of posts from me will be in the mix, too). Thank you all for your lovely messages, emails and social media love on the birth of baby Tanner – he truly is such a perfect addition to our family. #boymama4life
I’m still reading all my favorite blogs, but given my lack of hands-free moments, forgive my lack of commenting. 😉 If it makes you feel better, I will still be as woeful as ever at replying to your comments (which I love reading!)
Awww–he’s precious! So happy for you. Isn’t it crazy how much you can love them both? And how much more laid back it all is second time around? I’m glad you’re enjoying it all and wish you all the best (and sleep!)
Misszippy recently posted…Two half marathons/one week apart
I was so worried about whether I would love one more than the other, or how that all worked. And like with everything in life, it’s nearly impossible to explain until you’re experiencing it.
I could not be any happier for all of you!!! I love all the hair Tanner has!!! He is so, so adorable and I just want to hold and cuddle him…and then give him back 🙂 Continue to enjoy each and every moment…and if you need some extra help, I can be in NY in about 2 hours… xoxoxo
Allie recently posted…What Makes Me Whole On Race Day
He is very, very cuddly. 🙂 This one you may not want to give back, though.
He’s just adorable. So happy to hear that everyone is doing well. PS you’re my hero!
Ruthie@She’sWickedHealthy recently posted…Workout Wednesday: The Build Your Biceps Workout!
ha! Now I have that Beaches song in my head.
Congratulations Carly! So adorable! Looks like Roman is setting in to the big brother role quite well. Enjoy the time with your new little bundle of joy.
lacey@fairytalesandfitness.com recently posted…Link Ups to Join
Thanks Lacey!! We are loving our expanded family.
Oh my gosh! Carly he is sooooooooo gorgeous!! What an adorable baby boy! You are such a lucky mama with a beautiful family.
I had trouble breastfeeding Cooper at first but we eventually got the hang of it.
I always say that the best part of Cooper’s birth besides him was the epidural. Haha. I was like “drug me, now!”
Britt@MyOwnBalance recently posted…Living Abroad as an Introvert
I’m really happy now that I got the epidural. And afterwards I read a few birth stories where mama went drug-free and was so focused it took a little while to really feel the flood of emotion holding baby – something that had never occurred to me.
What a sweet baby! It’s so true that everything takes longer and nothing gets done in those early weeks… but soak it all up! You’re right, it will go quickly!
Laura @ Mommy Run Fast recently posted…Boston Marathon Recap
You know I’ve been going back and reading your second baby updates to see what might be coming!!?
Oh the memories this post elicited! First of all: congrats again. So beautiful! Wishing you all the best, especially next week. Roman will become second in command I’m sure I really want to know how doctors still, with modern technology, can’t see the the cord is in the wrong place. My son had it wrapped twice around his neck. It is a very scary circumstance to say the least! I loved reading it and I’m glad you’re all home and finding your groove! Wishing you joy and compatible nap times!
Kristin miller recently posted…Henry: 10 Months
They DO have compatible nap times! It is glorious (for about an hour). 😉
So so happy for all of you! What a sweet guy Tanner is and look at that hair! Soak it all in and enjoy!
Marcia recently posted…April Runfession Friday Linkup
Aww..big congrats all around.
I remember that Scarlet wasn’t interested in nursing until I was home already! Des was nursing that first or second day. Was she different, or was it me???
Tamara recently posted…Who Was My First Crush?
Or maybe both? I was expecting another nursing struggle, so that part was a very welcome difference.
What a cutie!! Glad you were able to get at least some pain relief through the epidural!!
Tanner is so cute!!! Hope that things go well when Fran goes back to work and it is you and 2 sweet little boys!!
Kim recently posted…Some Days You Have to Laugh
We are adjusting so well, nearly 3 months along! Tanner is just a model baby, too, he is so easy (or am I more relaxed?) Either way, I’m thrilled.
I’m just reading this now! I have been playing catch up lately with blog reading 🙂
Congrats! He’s a beautiful little boy with lots of hair:) Now I have two little Pizzani boys to meet when we both meet at the NYC marathon some day:)
Hope things are going good for you! Thinking of you:)
Thanks my lovely! We have an NYC date sometime in our future for sure.
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