Run, Rest, Repeat.

I miss running.

Life doesn’t seem quite settled to me yet. Yes, we’re in somewhat of a routine with the two boys and yes, I’m feeling more energetic these days. But I don’t feel like myself, like there’s something missing and of course I know what that something is – running.

Running is my normality. My weeks are usually planned around what kind of runs I want to get done and when. For a long run, do I need a weekend day? Will I need to start early? Let me do my easy run on a day I can sneak in a rare evening run…and I need to do speedwork, so when will be the coolest time of day for that? That kind of planning hasn’t happened for me in a long time now and it’s eating away at me.

It’s National Running Day and coincidentally it falls on a day that I feel ready to edge my way back into the runner life. My parents flew back to Australia yesterday. Roman’s sitter is back to her regular schedule. Tanner is in enough of a routine for me to get away for 30 minutes without a fuss. So today I will run. It will be slow. It will feel off – like nothing works right. I will feel uncoordinated and self-conscious. All of this I can guarantee.

But none of that matters, because I will run.

I’ve missed my time alone with my thoughts and my breath.

I’ve missed the feeling in my muscles and lungs as I climb a hill, or speed up and push myself.

I’ve missed zoning out, then looking up and seeing the beauty of the park as I run and feeling joy that I’m experiencing it.

I’ve missed the feeling of getting home sweaty, my muscles warm and worked.

I’ve missed my body feeling fit and strong and energized from being in shape from running.

I’ve missed listening to my breath and my footfalls fall into a natural rhythm.

I’ve missed feeling happier after I run; how that feeling will last to the point where, if something is bothering me or going wrong, I know if I run, it will be better.

I’ve missed uploading my running workout and seeing all the lovely data, looking at where I’ve improved or stalled.

So today I will run.

And tomorrow I’ll feel it everywhere.

And then I will run again.

And in doing so, I’ll find my way back to normal.