A Fitness Fairytale – Cinderella Revisited

Once upon a time,

there was a fit young woman named Cinderella. Her father was a widower, who had remarried to a woman who was terribly jealous of Cinderella’s low resting heart rate, fast-twitch muscle fibers and optimal body fat percentage. This wicked stepmother had two daughters, neither of whom worked out, ate a lot of packaged foods and logged less than 1,000 steps per day on their wearable fitness devices. Tragically, Cinderella’s father passed away suddenly, leaving her to fend for herself under the same roof as her wicked stepmother and step sisters. 

They mistreated her terribly. She was not given time to run, or workout. Her fitness DVD’s went missing and her online workout site subscriptions lapsed and were not renewed. Her resistance bands were used to tie up her stepmother’s nightshade plants in the garden and her kettlebells were repurposed as doorstops. Both Cinderella’s stepsisters had memberships at the most exclusive gym in the kingdom, yet they never set foot inside of it. 

All day long, Cinderella was set to work, cooking, cleaning and housekeeping in the castle. And at the end of every week, her wicked stepmother would berate her. “Why are your muscles still so strong? Why are you not putting on weight? Why can you still run up and down the stairs with ease?” More than vexed, her wicked stepmother was furious and gave Cinderella yet more labor around the house.

What her wicked stepmother had not realized was that Cinderella was the embodiment of functional fitness. Full buckets of water for mopping became dumbbells for squats and curls. She did walking lunges as she vacuumed and swept up and down the halls. She deadlifted baskets of firewood and laundry. She sneakily incorporated organic vegetables into the most bland-looking dishes.

One day Cinderella overheard her stepmother and sisters talking excitedly about the young, eligible Prince from the royal palace. He was looking for a wife – someone with whom he could raise a royal family – and he was bucking convention by holding a ball for all the local single women of the kingdom to attend. Without knowing where her confidence came from (perhaps it was the HIIT workout she had conquered this morning while straightening up the attic?) Cinderella asked her stepmother if she, too, would be permitted to attend, since the Prince had clearly stated it was an invitation for ALL the eligible women of the kingdom.

The wicked stepmother curled her lip and sneered. “Cinderella, why would a prince want a wife who runs fast and lifts heavy? He will want a woman who takes care of him and their children before herself, not someone who spends hours working out and staying fit.” Cinderella bit her tongue, resisting the retort that it did not take hours for a quality workout and instead calmly pleaded her case. “If that is true, stepmother, then there should be no problem with me attending – if he is not looking for a woman like me, surely your daughters will be the belles of the ball.”

Cinderella’s stepmother looked her up and down. “Very well. If you have finished all your chores and you can find something appropriate to wear, you may also attend the ball.” The step sisters snickered to themselves about what Cinderella could possibly wear, knowing there was no way she would be able to appear at the ball in her cleaning rags.

The day of the wife-hunting party arrived and Cinderella used her superior fitness to power through her daily chores. She chose her best frock, which she’d dyed a lovely deep rose using beets harvested from the garden. She slipped on a pair of ridiculously uncomfortable heels and gingerly walked downstairs to meet her stepmother and step sisters in the hall. The three women looked Cinderella up and down. Her stepmother complimented her on how becoming the color of her dress was, then dropped the bomb. “I’m afraid we’ve left rather a mess in our dressing rooms and bathrooms, my dear. Perhaps you took so long dressing that you forgot to pick up after us. I’m afraid there is no time to wait for you – maybe you can come to the next ball, when one of your lovely step sisters is married to the prince.”

Aghast, Cinderella watched them leave, then slowly made her way upstairs to start straightening the bedrooms. She was startled by the appearance of an other-worldly woman waiting for her at the top of the stairs. “Hello, Cinderella. I am your Fairy Godmother, here to ensure you make it to the ball on time. It looks like you are already dressed for the evening, but let’s just make one small change.” She waved her magic wand and Cinderella felt immediately relieved at the comfortable feel of a pair of sneakers on her feet, instead of the excruciating stilettos she’d donned. “More practical, my dear. We’re going to walk, it’s only a couple of miles and it did the trick for Elizabeth Bennett, you know. While we walk, let’s have a chat about fair labor practices and lawsuits and the like.”

As Cinderella approached the castle, her Fairy Godmother explained she must leave by the stroke of midnight. If she didn’t, Cinderella’s stepmother would beat her home and she would suffer her wrath for sneaking out. As Cinderella entered the ballroom, the Prince noticed her immediately. Her Fairy Godmother was right – rosy cheeks from the walk only added to the glow of health that surrounded her. He whisked her away to dance. Cinderella was instantly attracted to the handsome prince, but there were a few red flags throughout the evening. He only ate Paleo, which she felt was a bit too restrictive. He opined that treadmills weren’t for “real” runners, which made Cinderella wonder how she’d get out for a run when she was home with the kids. He did oil pulling rather than brush his teeth and frankly, when he leaned in close, she could tell.

She glanced at a clock in the ballroom and realized it was only a few minutes before midnight. “I must run!” she exclaimed, then broke into a sprint out the door. As Cinderella made her way down the stairs of the castle entrance, one of her shoelaces came undone and she tripped a little, her sneaker falling off as she stumbled. Luckily, she’d been experimenting with the barefoot running technique, so she simply kicked off the other shoe and settled into a tempo run pace to make it home.

The Prince was devastated to have lost such a fabulous catch almost as soon, it seemed, as he’d met her. He rushed after her, but speedwork had been paying off for Cinderella and all he saw was a pair of running shoes on the palace steps. He picked them up and decided he would not rest until he found the woman who had stolen his heart, then stolen away.

For weeks, the Prince and his retinue went door-to-door in the kingdom, having each young woman in the area try on the magical pair of sneakers Cinderella’s Fairy Godmother had materialized with her wand. Finally they arrived at the wicked stepmother’s house, where Cinderella’s step sisters struggled to force their feet into the shoes. “Is there no one else living here?” asked the Prince, devastated at the knowledge that this was their last stop in the search. “Oh, my stepdaughter, but she wasn’t present at the ball – it’s not even worth her coming out,” replied the wicked stepmother. “Let her try them on,” commanded the Prince. “I will not rest knowing I did not try everything to find my future wife.”

Cinderella was summoned and immediately the Prince knew he had found his bride-to-be. Trying on the shoes was only a formality, but Cinderella was happy to be reunited with the best-fitting sneakers she’d ever had the pleasure of wearing. “My darling! I have found you! Let us marry and have royal babies! You will not need to lift a finger around the castle and you will live in the lap of luxury with me.”

Cinderella smiled up at the handsome prince. “I’m flattered, really,” she began. “And I’m forever indebted to you, since without your ball, I would never have met my Fairy Godmother, who is now also my attorney.” Turning her attention to her wicked stepmother and step sisters, Cinderella addressed them next. “This is probably a good time to tell you I’m suing you for past wages unpaid as a domestic worker, as well as for emotional distress.” The Prince’s mouth dropped open. “You don’t want to marry me? I don’t understand!” Cinderella took his hands gently in her own. “Look, I’m sure you’re a great guy. I’m just not ready to settle down right now. I’ve just taken my certification exam to be a personal trainer and I’ve found a great little studio space for a reasonable rent. I need to follow my dreams and passions and invest in my fitness business. I hope you understand.”

With that, Cinderella collected her gym bags. Tucking her foam roller under her arm, she walked out of her wicked stepmother’s home for the last time. Her heart rate monitor beeped as her pulse raced from excitement.

And she lived happily ever after.